Silence

They were hit nearly head-on, the crash was beautiful and terrifying as time stopped momentarily. Metal twisting, the shrill sound of tires, bits and pieces of dark glass scattered everywhere playing a sad melody as each shard rained down onto the asphalt. The scent of hot oil and antifreeze filled the air. 

Louder than the sound of destruction was the release of air from her lungs as her body was thrown from the car. He heard her, a sound he thought he’d never hear escaped her lips as her breath was pushed from her lungs from the impact of her body with the windshield. The sound of the glass creaking and cracking as it split open from the weight of her. The sound of her body being thrown onto the hood of the car and the soft thud as she landed on the asphalt, it was too much and soon all he saw was black.

Hell would have been a more welcome place to wake up to. Ears ringing and eyes hardly able to focus he fumbled numb fingers to the seat belt release. He felt drunk, sick, asleep; an eternity passed as desperate hands finally found the cold handle of the driver side door.  Flashes of pain spread over his body, but in his pain drunk stupor his mind focused only on her. His body fell heavy as he released himself from the prison of his crumpled car. The rain soaked asphalt felt cool against his skin. In and out of consciousness he couldn’t tell reality from fantasy and he crawled to her body as quickly as his pain would allow. 

She lay still, her bright red hair was such a strange contrast against the black road. Her peach skin, sun kissed with freckles had lost its color. Her warmth was stolen, replaced with a cold wetness unfamiliar to his touch. He tried calling out to her, but his voice had been lost through the chaos. He knew then, her aura, the bright energy she radiated had been stolen by the night. He watched the light fading from her eyes as he scrambled to hold her. She left him with a blood stained tear and one last smile.

He brought his face to hers, desperate to hear breathing. Silence. He shook her, silence. He begged for her life to the stars as his tears mixed with heavy raindrops. Silence. He pressed his lips to hers, tasting iron and salt, rusting the memory of her in his mind and still he only heard silence. Screaming he begged her to not leave him here in the dark. Silence. 

She was gone and all he had left was the echo of the words he left her with. He was a slave to his experience and in the frustration with his weakness he let her down. He could have explained how much he needed her, he could have shown her he desperately loved her, but instead he left her with guilt, shame and uncertainty. He painted that picture in blood, her blood.

Recovery was painful, emotionally he had already died a thousand times over as thoughts of her flooded his mind every morning. The events of that night buried his plans of making her a permanent part of his life. He wanted her forever, but he was too afraid to live his own life and that prevented him from sharing his future with her. Often he would become angry with her. She promised to stay, promised to help him, promised to grow together and there she lay amongst the flowers, breaking her promise in such a permanent way.

Her laughter was lost forever that night. Now when he closes his eyes he can see her, no matter where he is. She’s there in his dreams, she hides in the shadows of the places they loved. He can smell her perfume and see her bright smile and he’s with her ghost again. He thought they’d always be together and all she left him with was silence.

On really cold nights he plays the last message she left on his cell phone, “will you call me to tell me you’re alright? Because you know how much I worry about you.” And sometimes his pain is the only thing that comforts him as he sleeps.