Changing Seasons

It’s that time of the year, when adventure starts to feel tired. Fall tickles the edges of the bright green leaves, leaving rust colored kisses that spread through the branches as never-ending days of summer give way to long star-filled nights. It’s about 7:00 on Saturday when I start think about you. It always starts with that laughter of yours and the way your forehead scrunches when you tease me. You were happy with me at one time, I knew by the way the little cracks settled at the corners of your eyes when you’d call me ‘baby’. I was all yours back then. Then I realize it’s way the heater smells after summer when you turn it on for the first time that steals my focus. I miss us.

I want to tell you I’m not crazy, but I can’t. I was crazy for you, I did everything you said even if it didn’t make any sense. I was your puppet, your toy, your good girl. The truth is I knew you and I would end like this. I knew from the beginning that forever wasn’t real to you. I knew you couldn’t love me for very long, and it was hope that maybe I wasn’t right about a man, maybe this time someone would break my losing streak. It was a selfish game of Russian roulette. I knew which gun had the bullet and I handed it to you knowing it would break me. I set us up for failure; I saw it and played the game anyway. I had too much passion, too much love and wanted what wasn’t real and you broke under the pressure of it all. I broke both of us that way.

It’s such a cruel and cold night and all I can think about is warming my fingers against your soft skin, and the way you smell like home. I’ve almost forgotten that smell even though it’s only been a few days. Soon it will be warm and the scent of new grass and fresh pine will calm my soul and the warm spring air will dry my tears. Summer will come with her warm hugs and the promise of new love, but Fall will be the time my heart will settle and I’ll be able to find strength in the memory that haunts me today.