Addict

A loud sigh escaped her lips as the sound of a passing s\kateboard consumed the muffled music of the jukebox. A heavy breeze caught the smoke of an old cigarette, mixing it with the scent of wet asphalt and rotting leaves. Her painted fingernail traced the crack in the sidewalk while deep thoughts of love and life stirred in her mind. A low rumble sounded in the distance, warning of the impending storm. The heavy door scraped cement as one of the old regulars left the bar. He made a friendly gesture toward her as he walked away, leaving behind him a trail of cheap whiskey and beer. Leaves whirled in circles, she closed her eyes and filled her lungs with the first chill of Fall.

The first drop of rain landed on the bridge of her nose and stirred her from her daze, turning her focus to the coolness of the water as it traveled down her warm skin. The second drop landed on the edge of her eyelashes. What a strange sensation it was to feel something grab ahold of such a sensitive part of her. She laughed at the coincidence of it all as she lit the end of a new cigarette. The sting of smoke entering healed lungs was harsh, but she welcomed it. Another drop fell from the sky and sizzled as it grazed the end of her once lost addiction. The rain melted away all remaining traces of summer, taking her mind back to the day she met him. She stopped smoking that day, trading one bad habit for another.

Her dependance on tobacco was easily replaced by a longing for his kind eyes and bright smile. She paused, lost in the memory of the way his laughter made her feel beautiful. Their first year together was bliss-filled kisses and flattering words; the love high she felt was so much more than a simple cigarette fix. Soon, her fascination became her new addiction. Even after his gentle words turned to insults and then to physical abuse, she still desperately craved his attention. The smell of his sweat, the hint of gin on his breath, it all fed her habit. The physical pain he inflicted became the overdose that ended them. Her intoxication of him derailed her life completely and left her in withdrawal for years.

She sat in the rain for a long time, listening as the storm played a sad lullaby on the metal roof above. The sky was singing to her, pulling emotions she had held tight for too long. Finally, after the last drag of her cigarette she stepped out from the umbrella of the roof and let the rain saturate her clothes. Bathed in raindrops she tilted her head toward the sky and cried. The rain hurt, but only because she needed it to. She needed it to pull him from her veins, to detox the negativity he left swimming in her mind. She let the storm wash away all traces of him from her thoughts. When she finally opened her eyes she felt new, clean.

She never felt vulnerable like she did now. Maybe that was it, maybe the rain washed away the smoke covered mirror she had been so used to looking through. She was looking through unfamiliar eyes and for the first time she was finally able to see how broken she had always been. A chill swept over her body and the warmth from the bar beckoned her, offering comfort. The promise of a free drink offered by the man at the end of the bar teased her thoughts. She hesitantly dropped her new pack of cigarettes into the trash bin as the door scraped wet cement. The businessman smiled with kind eyes as she sat beside him. A fresh gin and tonic sat neatly on the counter in front of her.