That's what broke you, isn't it? Knowing you held the world in your hands and she would have stayed forever there, but you dropped her. You left her so you could chase something, anything else.
The truth is, she scared you. She was so real, so raw, so unafraid to embrace herself and in a world where everyone waters down who they are, she refused to and you were too used to flavorless women. You learned to accept less passion, less color, less love because everyone else was selfish. Not her. She lived for your smile. She lived to know she made you happy, to make you feel like you were her hero. And the most fucked up part was that you knew you could save her, but there was a sick beauty to the way she drowned in your love. And you fucking lived for that obsession.
It haunts you, doesn't it? I know it does. You watch her when she doesn't realize you're even there. You want her to break down and chase you, but she's stronger than you and you hate it. You wanted her to be weak for you, but a woman that knows what her soul is worth will never be weak. She'll never need anyone else and that independence is what kills you. You crave that need, you feed your ego with it. You overlook how much she wants you with your insatiable desire to be desperately needed.
There. Right there, that's how you lost. You were the one that needed her and instead of admitting to that you pushed her out of your life because you knew her independence was stronger than yours. Your codependency made you feel weak. She would have understood, she would have been patient, she would have embraced you, but you let your fucking pride, your fear control you. And therein lies the truth, you're afraid and you lost her because she wasn't afraid of anything. Pain never kept her from loving even when she knew it was evident
Those other women you chase, they aren't her. They don't want to be real, they just want to be wanted just like you, and look where that got you.
You'll yearn for her for the rest of your life and that's the karma you've earned. You'll compare everyone to her and no one will be her equal. You'll settle because your heart is weak, but she won't. She'll continue to burn for herself until someone worthy crosses her path, and then she'll love them, completely. She'll give herself totally to them because she's stronger than you. She knows her worth and she recognizes when someone appreciates her flaws the way she appreciated yours.
Life is too short to give up on a woman like her. Stop being afraid, because you know soon enough she'll regain her strength and find someone who admires that. Love her. Appreciate her for the strong woman she is, because I promise you, someone is admiring her from afar and your mistake could be their victory, and we both know how much you crave the competition.
