Shadows

It always starts with a slight change in temperature, as if he's walked into cool breeze during mid day when the sun is at its highest. The little hairs on his neck dance, sending a cold shiver through his body. On occasion the sound of rustling leaves will send whispers of secrets she long kept from him to his ears. He can always sense her presence. She's never long gone, merely hiding in the shadows of familiar places they frequented together.

She left him on a perfect summer day. He never knew why and she couldn't give him a reason. Their ending was like a sudden microburst running through a dry gulley. It stirred up everything he kept still in his heart. He never knew he had that much to lose and while he scrambled to settle the dust he lost sight of her.

Days after they buried her he noticed he spent more time looking at her pictures than he ever spent looking into her eyes. They looked so empty there, frozen in time. She always had this questioning look on her face as if she blamed him. It was probably his guilt playing tricks on him.

She was innocent and beautiful and it was his influence that brought her to the time and place that would end her. He felt so alive, the chemicals racing through his blood awakened his mind in ways he never thought possible. He brought that to her, but she lacked self control and soon it controlled her. Or maybe it was him, maybe he held the control all this time.

The chemicals, the colors taking over her thoughts, the overwhelming physical sensations, and the false confidence; it all ruined her. It ruined him too, but in a way he couldn't see until his reason for living was taken. Her heartbeat stilled and that day his world stopped. He always felt so alone, but he wasn't. When she left, she left her shadow and it haunts him even now.

Pocket Memory

It was the silent moments with him that she loved the most. The bits of stolen time when the sounds of the afternoon lulled to a quiet hum and the fading daylight lit up the dust particles as they drifted slowly through the air.  With his eyes gently closed and his mind at rest, this was the perfect moment to watch him. Her eyes would trace the beautiful maze of lines on his face. He was undoubtedly handsome to look upon, but not to her, she found him to be so much more. In her eyes he was stunning and as close to perfect as any one person could be. 

He never knew she was watching him so intently. Her presence was so soft and light that even her touch rarely stirred him. He made it a point to be strong and proud, he would always walk tall and stand firmly with confidence. Lying next to her, feeling her breath on his neck swept away the harshness of the day and let his calm and gentleness shine through. Her eyes settled on the softness of his lips and how they fell into a small pout when he finally relaxed. Seeing him like this sent butterflies loose in her stomach. She couldn't always quiet her excitement and often a happy sigh would escape as she stared in awe at the silhouette of his face. Slowly his head would turn and his eyes would light up as he smiled. No words were ever spoken during these interruptions, she would simply smile back and gently squeeze his hand in adoration.

These are the memories she kept in her back pocket and used to wipe away any sadness left from having loved and lost. She painfully missed him, but she knew with life and love sometimes pain is necessary. All of the 'I'll never', 'I'll always', and 'you wont's' faded over time, but this memory was stubborn and sat permanently in the back of her mind, keeping her warm when she felt the cold sting of just being another option to men incapable of making decisions. She was safe with him there, and there he'll stay until someone comes along and slowly strips his memory from her mind, replacing it with another image of beauty and warmth.